Joe's TV List Just Ate, Thank You Very Much

#38: Criminal Minds
(CBS, 2005-present)

"So, what’s on the DVR?"
"Let’s see … well, we can watch Criminal Minds, with the first five minutes no doubt featuring a faceless character slowly and cheerfully torturing a crying, terrified woman before ending her life in some unthinkably horrific way, while her young child is probably forced to watch. Then there will be an hour of sharply written, character-driven drama featuring one of the most appealing, cohesive casts currently assembled on TV, whether or not you’ve fully come around to Fat Tony replacing Inigo. Of course, this narrative will be interspersed with a couple more brutal abductions, tortures, and deaths involving women, children, and occasionally cute fluffy dogs, before reaching a downbeat but ambiguously satisfying ending. Whattaya say?"
"Um, hey, look, we also taped Men in Trees."
"Yeah, let’s watch that."