Joe's TV List Said Anything but Brown

#30: Trading Spaces
(TLC, 2000-present)

In the days before DVR, Jenn and I would skip going to a movie on Saturday night when there were two new episodes of Trading Spaces on. Now that's appointment television. Unfortunately, TLC went so insane with the scheduling, with new episodes a few times a week and a stream of new designers signing on, that they basically killed the golden goose. Or, if you're Laurie, the goldenrod, corn chip, daffodil, sun glow, drawn butter, egg yolk, old newspaper, sissy mustard, smoker's teeth, or advanced jaundice goose. But at its nutso peak, with Paige, Ty, Amy Wynn, and the six core designers (I never watched the earlier Alex episodes), Trading Spaces was predictable only in that you could match the designer to the general category of tragedy that was about to be inflicted. Frank? Arts and crafts, sweaty armpits, and oversensitivity. Doug? Callousness, ego, and occasional brilliance. Laurie? Something yellow. The good news -- despite legendary meltdowns by the likes of Crying Pam, Brown Jessie, and any number of other unfortunate, sleep-deprived suburbanites -- was that the damage was usually reversible. Unless Hildi pulled up with a truckload of something (hay, wine labels, fake flowers) that she could permanently affix to your bedroom walls with glue, lacquer, and the maniacal laughter of the damned. Then it was time to call a Realtor. She still shows up on the new shows, so watch out, homeowners: at some flea market, there's a whole crate of diapers or dead insects with your name on it.